I love Tenacious D. I love Rock music. I don't dislike work, but I don't love it like I love playing guitar. Having said this, I am setting on the same primary mission Tenacious D does in their movie. No, this mission is not to take a dip in the Strawberry River. Nor is it to find the Pick of Destiny (though I may get the POD tattooed on my forearm.) It is to pay the Rent, using income generated only by my Rock.
This is no easy feat in 2010. Metallica can't sell records. The Eagles can't fill amphitheaters. Weezer is on an indie label. MTV no longer shows music videos. The world is fucked.
So this leaves us (me) with on big question that needs to be answered: How The FUCK Am I Going To Pay My Rent With My Rock????!!!!!!! Each month I intend to let you all know the answers to this age old question as I stumble my way through them. The D paid it by battling Satan to a Rock Off. I have no such hook up as to get Satan here for a battle. And it's probably better for him. He would shamefully have to crawl back to Hell and spend several decades in the shower, in the fetal position, with the eternal shame of being defiled, emasculated and hopelessly Rocked by my Gibson Custom Shop 137.
Though my connections in Hell are limited, I do have a few here that will give me an edge over Tenacious D. For starters, my buddy Jonathan has a regular gig at Branigan's Irish Pub in Fullerton, every Friday night. He invited me to share this gig with him, which pays $50. We play acoustic covers, mostly terrible/awesome stuff that people in Irish pubs like to hear (Bon Jovi, Elvis, The Proclaimers.) So that's $25 a piece, plus the tip far. Minimal 20% of the Rent with my Rock at month's end.
Since I got a late start in October, I shall not expect to meet the whole Rent with my Rock. Last Friday I made $40, (or 8% of the Rent.) I also received a royalty check for the Smoggy Lining summing $20.83. Thats another 4% of the Rent with my Rock. So I'm sitting on 12% of the Rent, with 2 Fridays left to Rock.
I know what your thinking. You are saying to yourself, 'Dude, thats great you have 12% of the Rent and you have some Rock left to go, but you aren't going to pay the Rent with out some more Rock." Yes indeed, you are correct. Branigan's isn't going to pay the whole Rent. So how else can I make some Rent using my Rock? What other avenues of Rocking do I have? Well theres my original band. The problem here is that moving 4 people and $10k worth of gear gouges into the profits quickly, and what is left over must be split 4 ways instead of 2. Playing in this band, however, is what I live for, so these obstacles must be overcome somehow, much as the security systems in the Rock n Roll History Museum. The first move here is simply to find better paying gigs.
My gig at Branigan's itself could be worth more also. I'll need to get more people to come out regularly and pack the place. This would mean more income in the tip jar and more leverage with the owners to raise that $50 minimum. Plus, more people to play for just Rocks more, and from now on, Rock and Rent are life partners.
I also have my original music that can generate income. Digital sales pay out quarterly, so I'll need to decide on using that check towards the Rent due when it arrives, or spreading it out over 3 months. This is on the lower end of my priority list, since it seems that Tom Petty is unable to pay his rent with his digital download Rock.
And finally, I just need more fucking paying gigs. Who works only once a week and expects to pay the Rent with their Work? Nobody. Even millionaires use much of their week managing their assets.
Most Rockers have dreams of Rock stardom, with guitar shaped swimming pools and a swarm of Playboy bunnies playing Twister in the mansion. I still have these dreams. Most life long musicians/songwritters have a lesser goal to just pay their bills with their Rock and make enough to sustain a comfortable life without working for the Man. I still have this goal. But the first bill you always pay is the Rent. And rest assure, come Hell or high watter, whether I have to battle Satan himself to a Rock Off, climb museum walls, swim through rivers of strawberry, eat magic mushrooms and wrangle a Sasquatch, or just play fucking "Sweet Caroline" for a bunch of drunks, that I will pay the Rent...with my Rock.
Best regards,
Billy Ulrich
P.S- If you have suggestions or connections to help me pay the Rent with my Rock, please, don't hesitate . I thank you all for your support.
You could go to a country were rent is cheeper and there is not so much competition.hmm my daughter is doing quite well,she lives in Spain.The gigs she plays in spain and New york sound like they pay more than what your getting and thier are 5 members in the band.I only thought of that for you, since you love to travel and you speak spanish.
ReplyDeleteFind that special person that supports your dreams and understands your passion.
If it dosnt work out with your band, focus on writing music and selling it.
What about a Rock Musical/Theater show Like that new "Green Day Musical",I have not seen it yet but I want too,but you may need to join up with someone who has some theater experiance, I am so tired of that "Beauty and the Beast stuff".. LOL.
Keeping a clear head is important,I would avoid chemicals that kill brain cells. This industry is very competive, and you don't want to battle medical problems once your famous. I know that is difficult if that has been the only role model for you, I sure a true friends would agree, who knew you when. Remember your still a role model for others.
But after all has been said, I AM A FAN! and Look forward to hearing a show and helping you fill your " Tip Jar" for "Rent" another Musical breaking the bank!